Fuck, Marry, Kill – March 2017

Yeah, it’s a real ambiguous post title I’ve got here.

I imagine that this is out of the blue but semi-recently, Prattle of Seasonal Prattle posted a FMK poll of Winter 2017 anime. Despite not watching any of the airing anime, the quiz was a lot of fun since I’m a sucker for any and all variations of Fuck, Marry, Kill. It also gave me an idea for a series of posts where I basically pick my top 6 characters from each anime series I watch in a month, put their names through a randomizer to get sets of names and then pick from each set those that I’d sleep with, get hitched to or chop up had they been, y’know, real.

No wait. Only the screwing would happen had they been real. I doubt marriage is for me and murder sounds like a one-way ticket to prison.

But anyway, that’s the basis for this post. I certainly had fun writing something shorter and lighter than my usual stuff. Don’t take this too seriously – I’m just messing around.

Series:

Prince of Stride, Kuroko no Basket, Knights of Sidonia

Characters:

Prince of Stride – Takeru Kyosuke Nana Riku Heath Tomoe

Kuroko no Basket –  Kuroko Aida Kiyoshi Aomine Kagami Akashi

Knights of Sidonia – Kobayashi Samari Shizugauna Izana Seii Yuhata

Set 01: Heath Kiyoshi Akashi

Marry Kiyoshi because that guy is really just a huge human marshmallow. He’s kind and genuinely nice and would probably make a great partner. Fuck Akashi because while I can admit he’s very pretty, I’d find him insufferable in a relationship. And Kill Heath not because I’ve got anything against him, just that he loses to the other two.

Set 02: Shizugauna Tomoe Izana

Marry Izana because they seem like the kind of person who would be a good partner and a good friend at the same time, and that’s an idea I find very desirable. Fuck Tomoe because, awkward turtle that he is, he’s also hot as hell. That leaves Shizugauna to Kill because while I found the character to be very entertaining, it acts like a kid and is thus extremely ineligible for both of the above options.

Set 03: Kuroko Riku Seii

This set is hard because none of them are Marry material but I’ll go with Kuroko since I like him best. He’s quiet and reserved but he’s got a good heart. Fuck Riku for the very obvious reason of him being cute enough to eat. That means it’s Kill for Seii who’s a character I liked well enough despite his limited presence in the story.

Set 04: Kyosuke Nana Kobayashi

Marry Kyosuke since what we do see of him in the show paints the picture of a very nice guy who’s not the most expressive person but is loyal and kind under the stoic exterior. Fuck Kobayashi because, well, have you seen her? She’s lovely. Finally, Kill Nana which I regret very much because she’d be one of the above options in any other set but this one.

Set 05: Yuhata Takeru Samari

Marry Samari because though we don’t see much of her, what we do paints the picture of a no-nonsense woman with strong values and I’m weak to that kind of thing. Fuck Takeru because he’s definitely cuter than Yuhata, though that may just be due to Sidonia’s clumsy character designs. And that leaves Yuhata to Kill even though she’s not that bad.

Set 06: Aomine Aida Kagami

Marry Aida. Because Aida. KnB has an amazing cast but Aida shines bright even among the rest and I’ve been enamored of her since the first episode. She’s strong and stubborn and sweet and altogether spectacular. Aomine and Kagami are very similar so the Fuck part comes down to physical appeal which Aomine wins hands down. Sorry, Kagami, but it’s Kill for you.