Diabolik Lovers Episode 01 – Girl Goes To Rape Mansion

 Girls Goes To Rape Mansion

It’s exactly what it sounds like

0

Overview:

This show doesn’t have named episodes so I’m making up my own titles. And in this one, just as the title says, an innocent girl goes to a mansion thinking it’ll be a nice harmless place and ends up in a den of blood-crazed freaks who takes turns molesting her.

The opening scene reminds me of a horror movie – lone girl arrives at ominous castle whose door opens by itself amidst a raging thunderstorm. But what follows isn’t vengeful ghosts or anything so mundane but a series of unfortunate encounters with six men (and a woman, kind of) that probably has our poor protagonist regretting everything about her life. Oh and her name’s Yui but the guys have such lovely nicknames for her like Pancake (due to her flat chest) and Bitch-chan (that says more about the namer than the namee).

A

First, this guy whom she thinks is dead attacks her. When she’s accidentally saved by another guy in glasses, she realizes that none of the inhabitants of that place know she’s staying there. Two others show up and greet her by licking her face without so much as a by your leave, followed by another overgrown brat with temper issues. And when she wisely tries to get the hell out of dodge, another guy pipes in about her being there because she’s a ‘bride’. He’s vague and unhelpful about it but Yui is screwed anyway.

Asshole with a temper breaks her phone for no damn reason when she tries to call her father and when she runs away in fear, asshole in glasses has the audacity to say that she has no manners.

Self-delusion is a powerful thing.

She’s chased around the castle, harassed in turn by each of the men, and somehow ends up in a locked room. Well, more like the lock magically breaks and she walks in through the wide open door. There she catches a glimpse of a woman that makes her heart hurt – more ‘gah I’m having a heart attack’ than ‘ooh pretty lady I’m in love’ – and very conveniently bumps into a picture of her as a baby and her father’s diary.

Only it turns out that her father isn’t her biological father. Before she can even process this, the asshole sextet corners her. They make proprietary claims about how she’s their prey, there’s more interrupted molestation, and the episode ends with her caught in the hold of one of them.

 

Thoughts:

Okay.

Okay.

I knew it would be bad but wow, I am completely blown away by how outrageously over the top this whole thing is. It’s just a fifteen minute first episode and they do little more than introduce the characters while squeezing in an inkling of plot. Yet that’s more than enough to paint all but one of the introduced characters in a light so unflattering that it might as well be the dying glow of a candle wick.

It’s not hard to see that every time one of the guys opens their mouths, there’s a rape metaphor coming out. One says ‘I’m going to take you’ and pins her to the couch while licking at her neck. It’s not subtle. If I didn’t know better, I’d think this is the prologue to a hentai anime.

B

Oddly enough, I spent most of the time laughing because I really can’t take any of this seriously. The way the vampires react to Yui is just – do they live under a rock? Have they never interacted with anyone outside of their brood? Because their first instinct when a girl makes her way into their home is to treat her like a vaguely amusing toy without any agency and…who does that? It’s ridiculous. This show’s ridiculous.

Their clothes are doubly ridiculous.

But it is what is it and before I end the post, I thought I’d nickname the characters because I can’t be bothered to remember which name belongs to whom. Alright, I can remember if I tried but I don’t want to call them anything remotely respectable. So here we go:

Shu: The Lazy Asshole

Reiji: Asshole in Glasses

Ayato: Oresama Asshole

Kanato: The Teddy Bear Asshole

Raito: The Absolute Asshole (because he thinks it’s a-okay to call a girl he just met Bitch-chan for no damned reason)

Subaru: The Angry Asshole

 

There. Perfect. Remember these, guys. I’ll be using them.

 

 

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About D

Just another avid anime fan.
This entry was posted in Anime, Diabolik Lovers and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

37 Responses to Diabolik Lovers Episode 01 – Girl Goes To Rape Mansion

  1. Keiko says:

    I couldn’t agree with more with you. The first ep had me laughing just because of how stupid it all was. Oh well this is only the tip of tbe iceberg. Have fun watching it! 😂
    Oh and I’m loving your nicknames for the 6 idiots 😂😂

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Crikey this sounds atrocious …

    Liked by 1 person

  3. heyitszel says:

    lol holy….mother….I need to watch this too to laugh at hilariously bad it is…I feel that it’s about the same level as Daimidaler..god…the horror..haha 🙂 I’m wishing you the best through this seires!

    Liked by 2 people

    • D says:

      I googled that and it’s the one with the front ‘tail’ penguins, isn’t it? Gah.

      I don’t know if Diabolik will reach such levels of crappiness but it’s likely. Wish me luck.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Karandi says:

    See, I knew you reviewing this would be hilarious. Can’t wait for your impressions of episode 2 – meanwhile convincing myself I do not need to try to rewatch this to remind myself what is coming. No need for me to put myself through that (I couldn’t laugh at this, I just found if painful to watch).

    Liked by 2 people

    • D says:

      Don’t torture yourself like that again. With shows like this, once is enough for a couple of lifetimes.

      I think I would have been outraged if I didn’t have a good idea what was coming. At the moment, Yui acting sensibly is keeping me calm. Who knows how long that will last.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Karandi says:

        I’m going to suggest not long.
        I didn’t end up finishing this series. I couldn’t take the characters and curious or not about how bad it was going to get I didn’t make it all the way through.

        Liked by 1 person

      • D says:

        I’m hoping to suffer all the way to the end. Maybe blogging will help with that. Typing this review was far more fun than watching the episode.

        Liked by 2 people

      • Karandi says:

        That is probably true. I smiled a lot more reading the title of this review than I did while watching the show and you’ve really nailed the characters of this show.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. raistlin0903 says:

    Okay….that is pretty much what I thought after reading this review. As in…okay…what the hell is this lol 😂😂 Well, I don’t think I am going to be picking up this series anytime soon (even though I usually like things that are so bad that they turn into something good 😀), but I did have a blast reading your review. Seriously funny! 😂

    Liked by 1 person

    • D says:

      For the sake of your sanity, Michels, stay well away from this. I don’t think this will even fit the ‘so bad it’s good’ category because the whole thing takes itself too seriously.

      I did enjoy reviewing this though so it’s not all bad. I’m glad you’re amused 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  6. prattle says:

    “Shu: The Lazy Asshole

    Reiji: Asshole in Glasses

    Ayato: Oresama Asshole

    Kanato: The Teddy Bear Asshole

    Raito: The Absolute Asshole (because he thinks it’s a-okay to call a girl he just met Bitch-chan for no damned reason)

    Subaru: The Angry Asshole”

    I’ve never been more proud of D than this moment lol. I’m looking forward to more reviews on this one

    Liked by 1 person

  7. In some countries you greet people with a handshake, other places go for kisses and in this anime licking is the standard way of saying hello.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Remy Fool says:

    This show.

    THIS SHOW

    The characters are all terrible. Aaaahhh.

    You’ve already said what I thought of the rapist brothers.

    I did dislike how Yui feels like she had to narrate everything. Oh it’s raining, is it? ☔
    The fact she conveniently bumped into the bookshelf and stumbled into a diary that belongs to her “father” isn’t helping.

    The show doesn’t seem to have plot or characters going for it. I’m so glad this is only 15 minutes per episode.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Interesting post – haven’t heard of this one and good to be warned against wasting time on anime as bad as this! Interesting though to read about the extreme spectrum of anime depravity without having to watch it myself!

    Liked by 1 person

    • D says:

      I’m taking one for the team here. But yeah, this show is almost universally considered bad and for good reason too.

      Like

  10. Arria Cross says:

    My favourite part of this post:
    “Shu: The Lazy Asshole

    Reiji: Asshole in Glasses

    Ayato: Oresama Asshole

    Kanato: The Teddy Bear Asshole

    Raito: The Absolute Asshole (because he thinks it’s a-okay to call a girl he just met Bitch-chan for no damned reason)

    Subaru: The Angry Asshole”

    Excellent! (loud applause) The guys are hot…to look at…but they’re complete a-holes. My gosh, I cringed whenever I watched this. I like the eye candies, don’t get me wrong, but the characters are horrible and the story is below average. However, as a gyaku harem fan, Diabolik Lovers tickles me (in both good and bad ways). The character designs are gorgeous, but the characters themselves are difficult to stomach.

    Liked by 1 person

    • D says:

      Thank you, thank you *bows*

      I like eye candy too, Arria, and agreed that the character art is lovely – actually, it’s the only thing about this show that’s lovely. But I could never even appreciate that because I wanted to skin every single one of them when they opened their mouths.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Arria Cross says:

        Ahahaha! Exactly how I felt when I first watched it. And I was also so looking forward to it. And then she entered the mansion and boom, I wanted to punch everyone in the face. I was also looking forward to s2 More Blood, thinking that it might be an improvement….I still haven’t watched it because I doubt it’s going to improve.

        Liked by 1 person

      • D says:

        Damn, that must have been a let down. I was going to watch s2 originally but I still haven’t recovered from s2 so nope!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Arria Cross says:

        Ahahaha! It was. Well, I must admit that I still feel curious about s2, so I’ll watch it when I’m feeling masochistic. -____-

        Liked by 1 person

  11. Pingback: Way Cool Wednesday: 26 July 2017 – MATT DOYLE MEDIA

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