Diabolik Lovers Episode 01 – Girl Goes To Rape Mansion

 Girls Goes To Rape Mansion

It’s exactly what it sounds like

Overview:

This show doesn’t have named episodes so I’m making up my own titles. And in this one, just as the title says, an innocent girl goes to a mansion thinking it’ll be a nice harmless place and ends up in a den of blood-crazed freaks who takes turns molesting her.

The opening scene reminds me of a horror movie – lone girl arrives at ominous castle whose door opens by itself amidst a raging thunderstorm. But what follows isn’t vengeful ghosts or anything so mundane but a series of unfortunate encounters with six men (and a woman, kind of) that probably has our poor protagonist regretting everything about her life. Oh and her name’s Yui but the guys have such lovely nicknames for her like Pancake (due to her flat chest) and Bitch-chan (that says more about the namer than the namee).

First, this guy whom she thinks is dead attacks her. When she’s accidentally saved by another guy in glasses, she realizes that none of the inhabitants of that place know she’s staying there. Two others show up and greet her by licking her face without so much as a by your leave, followed by another overgrown brat with temper issues. And when she wisely tries to get the hell out of dodge, another guy pipes in about her being there because she’s a ‘bride’. He’s vague and unhelpful about it but Yui is screwed anyway.

Asshole with a temper breaks her phone for no damn reason when she tries to call her father and when she runs away in fear, asshole in glasses has the audacity to say that she has no manners.

Self-delusion is a powerful thing.

She’s chased around the castle, harassed in turn by each of the men, and somehow ends up in a locked room. Well, more like the lock magically breaks and she walks in through the wide open door. There she catches a glimpse of a woman that makes her heart hurt – more ‘gah I’m having a heart attack’ than ‘ooh pretty lady I’m in love’ – and very conveniently bumps into a picture of her as a baby and her father’s diary.

Only it turns out that her father isn’t her biological father. Before she can even process this, the asshole sextet corners her. They make proprietary claims about how she’s their prey, there’s more interrupted molestation, and the episode ends with her caught in the hold of one of them.

 

Thoughts:

Okay.

Okay.

I knew it would be bad but wow, I am completely blown away by how outrageously over the top this whole thing is. It’s just a fifteen minute first episode and they do little more than introduce the characters while squeezing in an inkling of plot. Yet that’s more than enough to paint all but one of the introduced characters in a light so unflattering that it might as well be the dying glow of a candle wick.

It’s not hard to see that every time one of the guys opens their mouths, there’s a rape metaphor coming out. One says ‘I’m going to take you’ and pins her to the couch while licking at her neck. It’s not subtle. If I didn’t know better, I’d think this is the prologue to a hentai anime.

Oddly enough, I spent most of the time laughing because I really can’t take any of this seriously. The way the vampires react to Yui is just – do they live under a rock? Have they never interacted with anyone outside of their brood? Because their first instinct when a girl makes her way into their home is to treat her like a vaguely amusing toy without any agency and…who does that? It’s ridiculous. This show’s ridiculous.

Their clothes are doubly ridiculous.

But it is what is it and before I end the post, I thought I’d nickname the characters because I can’t be bothered to remember which name belongs to whom. Alright, I can remember if I tried but I don’t want to call them anything remotely respectable. So here we go:

Shu: The Lazy Asshole

Reiji: Asshole in Glasses

Ayato: Oresama Asshole

Kanato: The Teddy Bear Asshole

Raito: The Absolute Asshole (because he thinks it’s a-okay to call a girl he just met Bitch-chan for no damned reason)

Subaru: The Angry Asshole

 

There. Perfect. Remember these, guys. I’ll be using them.